i’m too pissed to think of one
Today I got Angry. Angry enough to make someone elses day bad. Angry enough to hurt myself. Angry enough to really lose it.
Except that I didn’t. I don’t know whether to be proud of myself for having a modicum of control over my emotions or to be angry that I didn’t let it run wild and free.
I have a tendency to let things fester…until they pop and get all over everyone.
The collections agency for Blount Memorial Hospital called me while I was at the bank. Great timing.
I was trying to do two things at once…get this bastard off my ass and get out of the bank.
I told him now was not a good time and that I would call back. They get $100 every two months. “Why can’t you send us $50/month?” Because fuck head, I don’t goddamn want to. “Bye. ::click::”
How DARE they. Honestly. The county hospital builds this massive Cancer Center that cost millions, I’m sure, while people go without medical care. While they hound people for money. As an aside, if you have cancer that bad, go to Knoxville and don’t let the hillbillies work on you.
I was there for 4 hours. Most of it was me laying on my back in a hospital bed in a hallway. I got an ultrasound, a pregnancy test, and a pelvic exam. I got charged for 3 cotton swabs and a plastic speculum, which were the only things that were “used”.
I didn’t need my brains shoved back into my skull. I needed someone to tell me why 3 hours before it felt like my uterus had fallen out and I got my expensive answer.
Two Grand Later: Yes you were pregnant, no you aren’t anymore. Thanks for stopping by.
A year and a half later, I’ve nearly paid it off. I only have a couple hundred to hurdle, then it will be over.
Why am I posting this? I am so angry at this world i can’t stand it. People living in this country illegally get better medical care than I do. Insurance companies get charged less than I do.
This economy is riding on the broken back of the middle class and I don’t even have it that fucking bad and i’m so indignant that things are the way they are that I want to rip people apart. I want them to suffer. I called the company back but the lines were busy. I wanted to hand that fucking prick with an attitude problem his asshole with a nice little bow wrapped around it. I wanted to… make his day bad because I am frustrated with reality.
He’s just doing his job though. They are all just doing what they can in a world that only cares about the dollar. So I quit calling and took a deep breath and kept on going…doing the only thing I can right now.
I am Proud that I go to the Health Department and I pay my full bill for my birth control every time.
I am Proud that I have never missed a car payment ever.
I am Proud that though my phone was turned off, we had lights and food.
I am Proud to be able to pay my way, as pissed off as it makes me.
I don’t want anyone to mistake me either. WIC is there for a reason. It’s there to make sure babies don’t starve. Food stamps too. I don’t want anyone going hungry or to suffer.
But these people with their hands constantly out when they have no right to. These people having more and more and more babies so they can get a bigger check and then they buy lottery tickets, and beer, and cigarettes.
Them, going to the emergency room when their baby has the sniffles because they don’t have a GP to go to. Me, terrified, sitting in the waiting room for an hour with a towel between my legs while my body aches and gushes blood. It’s not fair any of us are in this situation and it’s fucked that there’s little to be done for it.
