I’m playing with this stupid thing. It doesn’t scroll through all of my pictures like it should…dammit. i’m still working on it.

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i’m sitting in my car in the driveway. i could go inside but i’d be alone in a big dark house and thats not really what i want for myself on new years eve.

i was at my parents’ house yesterday and i asked my mom what our plans were and she said she had none. she calls me today and is making a cheeseball. i love my mom. dad has to work tomorrow so it’ll probably be a very quiet celebration. i’ve been trying to spend oodles of time with her lately. i know she misses nana badly. she doesn’t have a sister (like myself) and she was very close to nana…they spent *a lot* of time together. life sucks pretty hard sometimes.

i think i want kids because i’m selfish. i want someone to cry for me when i die. i want someone to miss me. i want someone to visit me on holidays. i don’t want to be alone.

giving hugo 3 minutes before i call him. 3 minutes makes it an hour since we last spoke and he said he was going to leave the jobsite and come on home. i’m still in the driveway.

my resolution is to keep at it and maybe get somewhere.

happy new year.

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my a+ book came today. it has palm based flash cards so i will be able to study wherever i like, which will be nice.

so far i’m brilliantly ignorant, which gives me hope. I missed about 11 out of 40 on the assessment test. i think that makes me a b- student. after i read, understand, and memorize all 800+ pages of this tome, i should be ready for the test.

hah.

i bought 2 carbon based lifeforms cds today via iTunes. Hydroponic Garden and World of Sleepers. i’d have to agree with the reviewer who said they’re like drugs for your ears. i also got the latest snow patrol cd because i am getting very friday night wb in my old age. i didn’t realize the wb is now the cw network. i don’t get that at all. anyway…itunes gift bucks rock my world.

i’ve been making my bed every day for some reason. my room is the only area of the house that i can clean and i know won’t get messed up by someone other than myself. i was getting pretty sloppy and that is *not* the way of the virgo. in the interest of being presentable i cleaned my room yesterday and gathered my books and magazines that were strewn hither and yon. i have a new dillema, my friends. my bookshelf has reached capacity. the books i have here that are on the shelf, the books i have no homes for, and the books at my parents house will probably fill 3 shelves. i’m thinking of donating some of my wicca books i won’t ever use anymore to the library, but this being the land of two walmarts among the mullet tribe….they might be better off composted in the back yard.

michelle bought me my tickets for the afi concert. i was touched that she’d just do that for me and i of course paid her back (i hope it covered it, anyway) which meant I GOT TO SEE MICHELLE and i got to stare at and fondle beads. oh the beads. stars and stones and oh i would go so broke if i went in there with money. i have an idea in my head for a necklace because i have really been wanting some ritual gear.

speaking of ritual gear, i want to learn to sew. i thought “oh, i could just borrow my mom’s machine..” but then my sensible side said “and tell her what? that you want to make a cloak/gown/tunic/mumu for your spiritual practice? roight.” we’ll see.

probably going to run to the store and get 2 small bottles of bubblystuff for hugo and i. i had a dehydration/sinues migraine for 3 days that i *just* got rid of so i am not at all eager to be sick because of liquor for the sake of celebration. it’s times like these that i think of all those straight edge kids out there having parties with welch’s sparkling grape juice. seriously, how in the hell do you miss people you’ve never met?

i’m lonely. i wish someone would make some time for me.

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i went to the store yesterday and bought very random things. a bag of whole wheat mini bagels. an organic cucumber, avocado, zucchini and package of dill. vanilla yogurt. southwestern flavored egg beaters.

today i decided that i wanted to have a cucumber sandwich…sort of. i was a bit delerious from being in pain and sick to my stomach all day so a mini bagel with slices of cucumber and cream cheese topped with sprigs of dill sounded damn good.

i went to open the pack of dill…you know the kind in the refrigerated section of the produce area. and inside was stow away. a wayward traveler in my dill! i was afraid the lady bug was dead, but it was not! i took it out of its sub zero transportation device and breathed on it a little and it started crawling around. i made hugo take it outside.

i’m not good with goodbyes.

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christmas was rad.

• Schimtt Sohne Riesling - 2005 Auslese (stocking)
• Rainbow Brite & The Star Stealer DVD (mommy)
• FF7: Advent Children DVD (stocking)
• Ladybug microfiber pillow (mommy) [aaliyah totally loved this and tried to eat its face. adorable.]
• iTunes gift money (hugo)
• tea. lots of tea. spiced chai. instant chai. mixable chai.(mom & dad)
• circuit board earrings (carla & jaime)
• clinique - happy (dad)
• Beach Camera giftcards (hugo)
• china (mom)
• my dishes packed in nice little fabric things with zippers (mom)
• giftcard to best buy

pretty nice. the cure for a cold would have been more fun though. oh well. more nyquil for me.

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