speaking in understatements
O
things that have made me happy lately
- javascript, specifically jQuery
- books…all different kinds of books
- the House marathon on USA yesterday
- clean sheets
- toffee brownies
- new medication
- kanye west
- christmas
things that have made me not so happy lately
- the finite number of hours in a day
- the limitations of the human body
- the sad but true fact that i still need to be on an anti-depressant
AD/HD Day 1
I went to my GP yesterday and was all "My therapist says I need AD/HD meds." He was extremely skeptical but gave me a few days of the lowest dose of Adderall. We’ll see.
Day 1
5mg Generic Adderall (Amphetamine salts) @ 10:30
11:30 – No joy. No smart brains. No nothing. It is, however, freezing down here. My metabolism might be confused.
11:53 – I put my jacket on and was listening to quiteparadise’s charleston video and experienced an amusing euphoric experience. I IM’d holly @ 11:44 to share my silliness. I’m sitting here grinning like a goober. I’m a little to amused by it to be "focused" but that should pass.
12-2pm – able to focus relatively well, got plenty of paperwork going. Multiple distractions and noise don’t seem to be agitating me today… Did not attempt anything creative or requiring detail oriented thinking.
2:40p – Insanely hungry. Had a pack of crackers. Walked to the house to let the dogs out.
3:58p – Very tired and very cold. I can’t stop yawning. I am going to lay down for a bit.
5:20p – Laying down did not work. Don finally turned the heat on. I am more awake now…but I wouldn’t say WIDE awake. I might be hungry but not know it.
9:48p – I cannot wait to go to bed.
All in all it was not entirely unpleasant. I am pretty sure that it started to go way down hill at about 3pm.
Amelie Jr.
O
NEW PLAN
- Move to France
- Have baby
- Wait for baby to learn to talk
- Put bucket over my head…to contain the mess for when…
- My head explodes due to cuteness overload and I die
Once upon a time… from Capucha on Vimeo.
heavens, betsy
WHAT A MONTH…and it’s only the 12th. Lets see if I can take up a few minutes of your time with some interesting shit going on in my world.
We are in the new office. Yay Yay….can I get an amen?! Glory Glory, brothers and sisters! It’s wonderful. I wake up, take care of the doggies, get dressed, get in my car, drive up the block (there is a reason I don’t walk…more later), walk in, work, go home. RELAX.
It is a little disorienting being away from the big mac in the evenings. I do take the MacBook home every evening though, so that makes life livable. What would I do without wireless?
Shrivel up and die, i think.
So I don’t walk because it’s cold, I am out of shape, and I usually have to end up hauling a bunch of crap up to the house. Oh, and my tools are in my car. What if I needed my network tester and it was 3200 feet away? Exactly. (This is total shit, I know)
So I have been to two therapy sessions since I last chatted about my particular brand of crazy (Batshit by Beka) and it turns out that there is a very good reason the antidepressant I was on made me a psycho. I am not depressed…not exactly.
Let us let that sink in for a moment.
My entire adult life people have been "you’re depressed" "you have such a negative attitude". Boo, fuckin, hoo…poor me. So my therapist, outta the blue, is all "Hey, have you ever been screened for ADD/ADHD? Cause a lot of this fits…" At this point I temporarily turn into scooby and give my best "baroo?"
So yeah…I got screened. And wouldn’t you know it…. I have ADD…and not the amusing, friendly, hyper kind. I have asshole kind that looks like bipolar disorder with a side of bitch. So…we’re pretty sure that is what I am dealing with and now I have to make an appointment with the psychiatrist (omg my wallet) and see if she’ll hook me up with some Concerta (extended release ritalin) and maybe an antipsychotic down the road. Oh the lols.
Then comes the behavior modification therapy. I’m not worried about myself. It’s no secret that I love self improvement…and developing procedures. I just never stick with anything for longer than…oh… 5 minutes? (haha!) No…the majority of the work is going to be in getting the people around me to change the way they interact with me a little. There are certain triggers…and while medication can help, getting people to stop flipping rubberbands at my consciousness will work miracles.
Oh and there is a diet, too. So yeah…all those jokes about having "ooh, shiny" syndrome…simultaneously more and less funny.
I am having an amazing hair day. I think I’m going to do some paperwork and make myself a burrito now. Hot damn. It’s good being me (today).
PS Here is a list…because it isn’t a post from me without a list and a ton of extra punctuation….
I Love You, November
A lot of people have been describing this phenomenon. You remember…and suddenly…you smile and breathe a sigh of relief. Barack’s in the kitchen and he’s cookin up a big ol batch of awesome. January 20th is so far away. Oh well.
The Saturday before the election I went to a customer’s house to deliver a computer. I walked in and Fox News was on the TV. Heavens. I do my job and I do it pleasantly. I have become a master of repressing myself. This is for two reasons, I suppose. To protect myself, primarily, and to protect those around me. The unfortunate downside of this is that people don’t see what is really there…ever. I’m in this person’s home, doing a job that I was asked to do, and then I have to listen to scripture being quoted, ignorance being spouted, hate hate hate, and a side of fear. Words like anti-christ, dictator, and communism popped up.
I have seen what this kind of thinking did to a man who plotted and put into motion a plan that was inconceivably evil and traumatized an entire community. I don’t see anyone calling him the anti-christ.
I wish I hadn’t deleted it, but I got an email the morning of the 5th from a friend of the family. Saying she truly believed Obama is evil incarnate and prayed to God in Jesus name that we be delivered from him.
WHAT…?
I have to admit I am not really one to appreciate allegory. A lot of metaphor and "between the lines" kinds of things are lost on me. That said…I don’t understand how anyone could look at the current incarnation of the Holy (Christian) Bible and not see that there is a lot of that kind of thing going on. (Seriously? A 7 headed, 10 horned beast is going to come tromping down the street…with a whore on its back…?)
It unsettles me how ignorant people are…and by unsettled I mean depresses the everloving shit out of me. It is ok though. It’s all going to be alright.
