Perhaps it is a karmic thing, but Hugo and I have managed to situate ourselves between two of the most grumpy, hateful, people in the county. The neighbor to the left is convinced that she has a right to maintain the shrubbery and lawn on the left of our property. Why? Because she’s been doing it for 14 years and she’s batshit insane.

Now, I’m generally not one to argue with someone who wants to alleviate my workload but if you accost me while I am mowing and tell me that I can’t mow there, there being on my own property, steel yourself for my retort. It may or may not be polite depending on our previous interactions and your reason for *why* I cannot mow there. There’s a nest of yellow jackets nearby? Yes…please tell me about that. You just fertilized, seeded, and patched a piece of land that you have no claim to? Terribly sorry you wasted your time and money.

She then started coming at me wanting to know if she didn’t fertilize that portion of the yard who was going to do it. She then pointed her finger at me and said, incredulously, “You??”

So…two things. Given my upbringing, history, and the fantastic amount of money I spent on therapy and rage calming medications over the last year and a half I would seriously advise anyone with half an inclination to point their finger at me and be a snotty fuck to very carefully reconsider their next few moves. I’m not going to physically beat down a woman in her 70s. In fact, I can’t think of a situation where I would want to cause another person physical harm. I, however, have zero problem tearing anyone a new asshole verbally and will do so when and where I feel like it. It’s all the Mercury in my chart, you see.

Next, don’t ever challenge me on something like this because I will either rock it out or tear it up so magnificently it will take your breath away. I’ll make my yard look like a golf course in heaven which will make your shit look like a pitiful wasteland OR I’ll pave the entire fucking thing and paint it pink.

The neighbor on the right? Yeah…he threatened to shoot my dogs who weren’t anywhere near him. That’s not all he has done but that is way more than enough.

The really sad part about all of this is that I really wanted to be friendly with these people but they are making it incredibly hard to stay civil. So what is a Bug to do?

We’re having an 8′ high fence installed next week.