Feeding The Spiders

i’m sitting outside right now. its 11:43 as i write this and probably rather cold. I decided to test out some of the stuff i bought from Becca’s Mom. B Harden Ravenwolf’s Gifts. I ordered some things from her mom…a box, charcoal, resin, oil, and a smudge stick. The free schwag was totally rad…a sticker, a pen, and a little charm. I don’t actually have a pentacle to wear so i was stoked about that.

I was a little skeptical when I added the smudge stick to my cart cause it was like $6 somethin… but whoa. It’s huge. It’ll last forever. and *bonus* it smells awesome.

i’m not sure what i was expecting with the charcoal, having never used it, but totally don’t use that shit inside if you have a smoke-a-phobe in the house. works great with the resin. Haven’t used the oil yet, but i will. i’m looking for some dragon’s blood incense (cone, loose, or stick) so if anyone has a tip on where to get some that rocks the house, hook a sister up.

Next up to talk about is Kombucha!

What on earth is this? That’s totally what i wondered when i picked it up at earthfare. i read the bottle and apparently it is some sort of good for you drink. i was in a hurry so i grabbed it and glanced over the label while waiting for checkout. It said something about cultures may be present in the drink and not to worry, it is ok. What it didn’t say is “This drink is going to hock a loogie into your mouth after you pop the top. Enjoy responsibly.”

There was some sort of gelatinous goo that formed at the top of it that found its way into my mouth on the first sip…and was remarkably textured like a 6am, back of the throat, booger. I opened my door and spit it out. Onto the pavement. In Turkey Creek. Miss America: Look the fuck out.

I find out later that that is the culture and is full of all sorts of beneficial microorganisms. Booger of Youth, if you will. Ok enough about the booger. I started drinking this while i was totally sore from the concert the day after (ok yes that sentence sucks, live with it). After about 30 minutes i was feeling REALLY good. No more soreness. I start to think… “Miracle drink!” I get home and read the label even more. May contain less than .05% alcohol. I’m buzzed. I could have saved $4 and had a shot of vodka and felt just as good. probably even better.

I do like the taste of it, oddly enough. I am, admittedly, a big fan of vinegar. I have been known to take 3 teaspoons of apple cider vinegar just because i want to. i’ll definitely buy another bottle of this…but be more aware of the …well you know.

today, i have a review, of sorts, to share. well, one is me gushing about the wonderfulness of something. the other is me earnestly warning you to NOT try the other thing.

first, good news! i finally got off my ass and got my shopping bag set.

4 short handled organic string cotton bags, 1 long handled organic string cotton bag, 1 large produce bag, and 1 black hemp stuffsack to cram it all into and take to the store.

hugo, who reiterated he would NOT use the bags and would not use the bags when going to the store with me…ended up using the bags yesterday night. We filled an entire buggy full of stuff into 4 bags. i was able to carry all the groceries upstairs by myself because the bags hold a LOT more than a plastic bag and the handles don’t cut into your hand and make you feel like you’re dragging around cinder blocks wrapped in razor wire.

the bags are made in india with fair labor/fair wage. they feel handmade but that may be mostly my imagination because i get a warm fuzzy thinking about a giant roomful of women crocheting shopping bags and earning their own money.

i liked not having to throw away 20 plastic bags after we were finished. dub even got in on the action. getting the bags was one of my 101 in 1001 which is more my constantly evolving list of things to do. as soon as i organize it and finalize it i’ll crosspost it.

now for the bad news. one of the newsletters that i subscribe to offered me a free sample of Better World’s Shaman Smoothies. The Maca Spiced Chai was the one that showed up. i was sceptical yet hopeful. it promised a burst of energy and the enzymatic properties were going to change my life.

it did change my life; i now know what it tastes like to have a liquid turd in my mouth.

when i opened the packet it smelled like any other chai mix. cloves. cinnamon. standard stuff. when i put it in the blender with some water (i didn’t have any soy milk) and a little bit of vanilla yogurt and turned it on to frappe…some sort of evil smell came out of the blender. i thought it had maybe broken and something plastic was smouldering inside the metal casing. i wasn’t so lucky. i have never smelled anything that foul in my kitchen, including the weeks we were potty training dub.

i am not one to be hasty, though. I poured it into a glass and the smell worsened. bottoms up and i gagged.

i just wanted to warn you, internets. beware the shaman smoothies.